I got a big fat-ass B+ for Finance101 and it really sucks. It hurts so bad knowing that its lining up as ANOTHER piece of evidence which shows that I'm never-ever-ever-ever in my time as a SMU undergrad, gonna get an A, or even an A-. Whether I like the subject or not, whether i put in effort or not, it just slips my grasp so easily, making all my hard work just a futile attempt, a forgettable memory.
Why am i beating myself up over this? Is it because I'm used to getting As BEFORE uni? Ok, fine I know I'm so not a Straight As student, but I cant even get any single A? Come on, I already have all the different ranges of Bs & Cs & Ds in my shopping bag, so why not just carelessly fling me an A to make my lovely nutritious alphabet soup. Thanks a million, not.
Seriously, even with all the positivity in the world... How do these overwhelmingly optimistic people manage to pick themselves up & continue to believe blindly that their hard work will pay off eventually? Because for 2 whole years, I've been whining & crying about my chronic under-performance. 2 years is pretty long in my opinion. In fact, motivation is fast draining out of me. Or maybe I really am mediocre. Perhaps, I'm the smart alec who has severely over-estimated myself for the past 2 years, which means that I fully deserve these grades, because thats all I'm capable of. Hmmm... This theory seems more convincingly. Aha- I think that's it.
Well, I guess I'll be fine tomorrow. I just need to be chummy with Mr Self-Pity tonight. (He's neither 100% depressed or 100% ecstatic. So he's floating around the middle ground, just like me.) Anyway, he's lonely and we all know that loneliness loves company.
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