Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

After I touched down in Changi Airport, I was glad to be home to see all my friends and family again, but I didn't feel particularly good about being away from Japan at the height of the crisis. I was worried about my friends who were still in Japan. Thank god for facebook because they allowed us to keep in touch conveniently. I wasn't able to sleep peacefully at night for the first week I was home. Perhaps home was too comfortable compared to my week of sleepless nights since the earthquake. I think there will still be more aftershocks and I hope that I will be able to live through the slight tremors just like before the major quake. I will die from sleep deprivation and fright if that continued to happen. Home has been nice, but I've been rather bored. I don't have strong cravings from certain type of local dishes and I don't have strong desires to visit certain places. Some places did bring back some vivid memories though, but as time passes, I'm sure it'd continue to fade from technicolour to a muted sepia.

Nevertheless, I had the privilege of popping into Bangkok for a short trip to visit J. It had been a brilliant plan because I would be bored during the weekdays anyway. At the airport on Tuesday afternoon, I was just thinking of how often I've visited airports since 2008. Every return trip would involve 4 airports and suddenly I realised how dependent I had been on airports and airplanes to see people and places which matter to me.

Anyhow, BKK was a refreshing change from the familiarity of Singapore town. It was an even better surprise to find BKK in the middle of an unexpected cold front when I arrived. It felt good to feel a bit chilly, although I'm not such a big fan of icy cold showers in the mornings. It was really good to see J again, even as friends. Everything felt like how it had always been, minus the physical affection and intimacy. I must admit that occasionally I wished for the warm and safe embrace offered by his arms but I'm truly glad that we are still good friends. I won't want to jeopardise that in any way. It had been fun. BKK is so amazing because hardly anything has changed since I last visited in 2008. The same shops are still in Siam Square, traffic jams are still there, Swensens still look like the one we had in Singapore 10 years ago, thai massages still hurt me like hell, I still cry eating spicy Thai food and everyone still thinks that I'm Thai... Okay, I'm going to give it some credit - the airport link is finally open!

So that was my trip and so much thanks to J for going out of his way many times to be such a lovely host in one of my favourite exotic but frentic city. His nan passed last thursday evening and he had been able to be pretty stoic about it, my deepest regrets and love to him and his family. I met her once and she was an absolute sweetheart. Well... I'm due back in the sprawling city of Tokyo in a couple of days and I'm a bit scared now after being on a break for so long. Hopefully I'll ease back in smoothly and that my work schedule fills up to make up for lost time. I also some issues with the BUC workshop which I pray and hope will work out with as little fuss as possible. My brother just told me that my dad got a mortgage on the house and that's making me well worried. Why the hell is he doing that? I'm in no position to tell what my dad does with his money, but sometimes I'm really scared at what he does. I just hope that he knows what he's doing. That said, it makes me want to be completely 100% financially independent. With all the earthquake disruptions, it has put a massive dent in my plans to earn and save money. Now I'm living under my parents' roof and I feel guilty for doing so. I should seriously start thinking of what my plans are, after this Japanese stint. J said his dad told him that if you can justify what you do, then you've found the key to happiness. I'd say - use this advice only if you believe it. It works both ways in my opinion.

So this morning, I was reading the papers and it said that about only 20% of the population wants to emigrate overseas and that was a good thing. I would think that 20% is a significant part of the population and it surely isn't the exception... It gets really annoying when the mass media in Singapore is so blatantly obvious that it's the mouthpiece of the government, I'm sure it's not that hard to look neutral with some careful wording??? At least try to fool us convincingly. So anyway before I digress, I think 20% is a good part of the community who wants to explore the world. I'm glad that at least 1 in 5 people are having the same outlook as me, because Singapore is like a warm bath which you'd never want to get out, but at the same time, it's not so much fun being a swollen and wrinkled prune in the bath for the rest of your life. A bath is particularly luxurious when you're out and about toiling, exploring, discovering, learning, breathing, fighting. I see Singapore as a safe haven to return to once in a while to get my fixes, but it's not particularly attractive as a place to do the former. That's my choice - I'll always be a Singaporean. I really like our unique identity and I love my home together with all my loved ones here, but doesn't mean that I must stay put.

And while I'm home, things seem to be rather exciting with all sorts of scandals coming to light. First, this elitist Samantha chick who dissed the heartlanders for going to Holland Village in their chui clothes. Second, this hilarious Tin Pei Ling who amuses me to no end with her jabber-gabber which was full of PAP keywords without answering the questions directly fielded by the reporters. Lastly, it's the photograph of the NS boy with a maid carrying his field pack. What is Singapore coming to???