Are we humans or dancers?

Last night we were at Timbre at the Substation watching the Goodfellas once more and one of the topics that came up pretty often was about the future. About some expectations your family had for you, and of course your own hope and expectations for yourself... At one point, HT was like, but it isn't fair for me to pay for my younger siblings' education! I agree, it wasn't, but life was never about fairness. Some people are truly more "lucky", but then again, being lucky or not is only a matter of perception. You can be the most loser & run-down person ever, but still consider yourself lucky.

So anyway- leaving luck out of the equation, I do wonder what life is all about - whether youre meant to please all the people you care about, or whether you should just be a selfish prick and do whatever you want. It's a bloody fine line to teeter upon, and it becomes especially difficult if there is very little overlap between the two. Either way, you'll be struck with a good deal of unhappiness and discontent. In the former, you'll be glad that you have lived up to other people's expectations of you but inside you're mad at yourself for not being able to live a life dictated by your own free will. Your mind will always be filled with questions of what-ifs. In the latter, you might be doing all the most outrageous things, revelling in your free-spiritedness and feeling so damned proud of yourself, but at the back of mind you are guilt-ridden for being so self-centred. You'll doubt yourself and wonder whether you actually cared for these people or not.

Well... I would think that the solution, which is not necessarily the best one. (Enlighten me, O wise one, if you have the ideal answer.) Is that you can choose which of the two will make you feel better, (and if you're like me,) it could be as fabulous as 51% to 49%! I suppose, as much as I want to break free, I can't bring myself to do it unless the shackles are removed.

And if you were wondering --- NO, I'm definitely not depressed or suicidal or anything ridiculous like that. DUH! Haha. I'm just tired of the school work; not enjoying the tropical heat anymore; missing the temperate seasons; missing my own independence (as parental nagging does no help); missing UK like crazy especially when I have to click "not attending" on all the FB events. It gets even harder on weekends because I miss the boy, so much.