I'm in a strange mood right now. I guess it's a whirlwind of conflicting emotions i'm feeling in the last 10 days leading up to my departure. Everything's intensified now as D is leaving tomorrow morning too. Last night was a properly good night out with almost everyone important to our usual gang of people. It was overflowing with beer and champagne (literally at times!), much alcohol-induced & genuine affections, witty, nostalgic and familiar conversations - it felt really good to have recaptured the same atmosphere and mood of the good old apple county saturdays from uni times. Feeling this happy made me sad at the same time, knowing that it would be a long while before a casual reunion like this would occur once more. I also secretly fear change, that time and tide will change everyone and the precious feelings and memories which all of us had shared would just remain in the depths of our consciousness. So close, yet unattainable anymore. I truly hope that my friends & i are able to live our lives, no matter where in the world we are, and still be able to pick up the friendships where we left off.
Same with my girlfriends. I worry less about the above, but more about what i'll be missing. I hate to be away from them, away from the birthday celebrations, the silly times we spend to together, the bitchy conversations which I didn't bear witness to. I suppose my apprehension was distinctively affecting my mood today when i met them for dinner. I'm consumed by the thought that I'm running out of time for everything. It's a strong bittersweet taste in my mouth when they say they want to spend more time with me before I leave.
It's really annoying how i've really had lots & lots of practice with saying goodbyes (in all senses of the word) in the last 5 years, but i don't think that i've gotten any better with dealing with it. Nevertheless, I'm going to be optimistic- cross my fingers and hope for the best. I'll be missing all of you. x
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